


take my defenses (I lay down this armor for you)

by SaraJaye



Category: Fire Emblem: Fuukasetsugetsu | Fire Emblem: Three Houses
Genre: Battle, Canon-Typical Violence, Denial of Feelings, First Aid, First Kiss, Frustration, Idiots in Love, Light Angst, Lost in the Woods, M/M, Mild Hurt/Comfort, Mild description of a burn, Minor Injuries, Pining, Protective Dimitri Alexandre Blaiddyd, Taking the blow for someone, Tsundere Felix Hugo Fraldarius
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-01-16
Updated: 2020-01-16
Packaged: 2021-02-27 08:40:41
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,905
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/22284253
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/SaraJaye/pseuds/SaraJaye
Summary: "I didn't think your memories of that time were still all that clear," Felix says before he can stop himself. "In case you haven't noticed, you're not the same Dimitri you were back then. I just assumed your memories died with him."The boar is becoming Dimitri again, and Felix can't handle all the feelings he's been sitting on for the past nine years.
Relationships: Dimitri Alexandre Blaiddyd/Felix Hugo Fraldarius
Comments: 3
Kudos: 40
Collections: Chocolate Box - Round 5





	take my defenses (I lay down this armor for you)

**Author's Note:**

  * For [shadowsapiens](https://archiveofourown.org/users/shadowsapiens/gifts).



He vaguely remembers someone once saying hindsight is a hideous beast when he was a child. Possibly Glenn, or the mother he can't remember. He can't remember who said it, but he's living that adage now, and it stings.

_You never once stopped to think about **why** he was so unhinged that day before you up and lost all respect for him. Treating him as a monster, refusing to call him by name, insulting him to a person you know doesn't tolerate insults towards him._

The boar is slowly becoming Dimitri Alexandre Blaiddyd again. Apologizing with actions, not with words, as Felix had requested. But Felix doesn't dare approach him yet; partially because Dedue has become so protective he knows he'll be snarled at if he even _thinks_ of coming near Dimitri, and partially because Felix himself doesn't feel worthy of it.

_Four years he spent harboring all that pain and guilt, and you expected he'd just suck it up and move on? When you yourself hated your father for those four years for trying to do the same with Glenn's death?_

He scoffs every time the boar rambles about appeasing the souls of the dead or some rot like that, yet for the past four years he's been as snippy and rude and cold as Glenn once was. The only difference was that Glenn was an idiot who believed stupid things like chivalry and pride were worth dying for, and Felix knows better.

_Do you, though? How many times have you come close to stepping in front of the boar to protect him?_

Felix sighs, loosening his grip on his blade before he returns it to the rack. He's not in the mood to try to blow off confused steam by attacking the training dummies. It's late, he's tired, and lingering at the training grounds only intensifies his thoughts of the boar.

He wants to miss when his feelings were simple and uncomplicated, but lately he's starting to realize they never were, even before that day.

"Felix?" His gut clenches. _I'm not an unlucky person by nature, am I?_ He reluctantly turns to face the unkempt visage of Dimitri Alexandre Blaiddyd, and to his horror he can't help noticing how attractive he and his shaggy blonde hair look in this light.

"What is it?"

"The professor asked me to find you," Dimitri says. "It's too late to be training." Felix rolls his eyes.

"For your information, that's why I was about to go to my room. What, does she not trust me all of a sudden, or is she taking hovering lessons from Mercedes?" Dimitri frowns.

"The professor and Mercedes are simply showing their concern for you, Felix. There's no need to be rude." Felix sighs. He knows that, he trusts Professor Byleth and it's hard to stay mad at someone like Mercedes, but his brain and his feelings are a mess and right now having anyone around is too much. Tomorrow starts a brand new instruction week, and he doesn't know how he's going to focus now that Dimitri is stable enough to return to classes.

The next week ticks by at the usual pace. Plans are made to march to the capital, Gilbert orders the usual supply checks, and Felix trains with whoever's available after making sure the boar isn't anywhere near the training grounds.

When the next free day rolls around, Professor Byleth announces they'll be routing some bandits in Magdred Way. She picks Felix and Dimitri to lead the charge, and for a moment he wants nothing more than to _strangle_ his dear former professor.

On the battlefield, Felix can shut off his brain to everything but the task at hand. When he swings his sword, all he has to worry about is his form, dodging the enemy, taking them down before they can react, keeping his allies safe. Lately, though, just knowing Dimitri is within a few feet of him is enough to scramble his brain. The very idea of having to fight alongside that man makes his hands shake and his heart do a frenzied tap-dance and his guts churn.

_But I can't very well say no, can I? Felix Hugo Fraldarius, turning down a battle? That's as likely as Ingrid turning down food._

"I trust I can count on the two of you?" the professor says, giving them both her usual subtle smile. Dimitri nods, bowing to her.

"Of course, Professor." He turns to Felix, who swallows against the rapid beating of his heart.

"We won't let you down."

The only positive about this mission is that Ingrid and Sylvain aren't along for the ride. Felix prides himself on being the least paranoid person he can think of, but he knows those two, and he's sure they've been giving him looks and whispering every time Dimitri's around.

 _Sylvain I could understand, but I thought Ingrid was above silly things like gossip._ But it doesn't matter, right now it's all he can do to remain focused on every target that comes his way. They're nothing but second-rate fools with axes, his blade can cut through any of them before they can blink.

He didn't count on there being a dark mage among them, though. Magic is one thing he's never been able to hone his resistance to, try as he may, and when he realizes he's being attacked from behind it's too late, the bolt of energy staring him in the face, and he steels himself for the pain.

" _FELIX!_ "

A body forces itself between him and the energy, Felix meeting the ground in time to see Dimitri struck in the shoulder, wincing in pain as he falls to his knees.

The sight awakens an unbridled anger he's never felt before. He leaps up and tackles the mage to the ground, plunging his blade into his back again and again until he's sure the bastard's dead. He ignores the shocked looks of their comrades, it's not like they've never seen him kill before. What difference does it make if it's for the boar?

 _Dimitri._ He's struggling to his feet, lance in hand, biting back a wince as Mercedes rushes over to heal him. Good, Felix thinks. He forces himself back into the fray, making a beeline for the bandit leader. Ignoring the image of Dimitri taking the blow for him even as it tries to sear itself into his memory.

The leader goes down in an instant, and they begin a slow, quiet march back to the monestary. Unfortunately, it's getting dark by now, and a fog is starting to roll in. Felix is so obsessed with trying not to focus on Dimitri that he doesn't realize that at some point, he and Dimitri became separated from the others.

"This is the wrong path." And Felix forgets his concern for a moment, wanting to throttle the boar.

"I'm aware of that," he says sharply. "Luckily, I'm pretty sure I know which way the others went, so it's just a matter of-"

A gasp of pain cuts him off, followed by a thud as Dimitri stumbles and falls to his knees. He's clutching his shoulder, the burn from the thunderbolt visible through his damaged tunic, and Felix forgets all about his irritation. He opens his pack and finds half an elixir, some of the healing salve Mercedes insisted everyone take with them, and a few rags.

"Take off your shirt." Dimitri looks up.

"Excuse me?"

"This won't work with it in the way. Take it off so I can dress your wound." With a sigh, Dimitri drops his cloak to the ground and slowly peels off his shirt, Felix forcing himself not to look away. _He's injured, now's not the time to make a fuss over seeing him shirtless. Like you've seen him dozens of times in the past anyway._

His aptitude for Faith is nonexistent despite growing up in the church-allied kingdom, and he knows almost nothing about medicine. But he remembers watching one of Fraldarius's squires do this when Glenn was badly injured during a training session, and Glenn recovered just fine. So with any luck, he won't make things worse.

"Sit." Dimitri complies, and Felix gets to work, biting his lip against the lowkey nausea at the sight of that burn up close. He's not sure _why,_ he's seen far worse. Hell, he's _had_ worse. But somehow seeing it on Dimitri at this very moment is different.

 _You know why,_ his subconscious nags him as he spreads the salve. Dimitri hisses in pain at first, but soon relaxes and drinks down the elixir obediently when Felix hands it to him.

"There." Felix pats down the rags as he finishes wrapping them. "We'll have to stay here a while, though. Trying to move with an injury impedes the healing."

"You listened to Manuela," Dimitri says, an amused smile daring to cross his face. "That's exactly what she told you when you were injured during the mock battle five years ago." Felix raises an eyebrow.

"You remembered?"

"Why wouldn't I? That mock battle was one of the greatest victories for the Blue Lions, and it was thanks to you." Dimitri's smile grows a bit warmer, and Felix fights against the rising heat in his cheeks. "I wasn't happy that you were injured, of course, but you took a risk to secure our victory. I was proud of you." Felix's heart skips a beat.

"W-well...of course I would! That's what a swordsman does!" _Proud of you_ reverberates in his head. "You certainly worried yourself stupid over a minor wound, though." Dimitri frowns.

"From what I remember, it was hardly so _minor._ You could barely stand, the professor and I had to walk you all the way to the infirmary." Felix snorts. "What?"

"I didn't think your memories of that time were still all that clear," Felix says before he can stop himself. "In case you haven't noticed, you're not the same Dimitri you were back then. I just assumed your memories died with him." Dimitri looks pained, and not from the wound, either. He's quiet for several moments, edging away from Felix, and Felix wishes he'd kept his mouth shut.

"I thought they had. For five years, all I could think about was revenge, silencing the voices of the dead," Dimitri finally says. His voice is quiet, barely audible. "Once the professor made me snap out of it, though, I remembered. Who I was back then, our innocent Academy days before things took such a dark turn."

The nagging guilt he's been feeling since Dimitri started to recover gnaws at him with sharp teeth, and Felix grips a fistful of his cape. _Four years of pain and guilt, can you blame him for snapping like he did? You told the professor he'd chew her up and spit her out, but you're the one that tossed him aside without a second thought. Because one day he didn't act like the perfect, gallant prince you wanted him to be._

No. No, that wasn't it, was it? Even before Glenn died, Felix had always thought of himself as realistic. He'd never assigned labels to his friends and expected them to be like that forever.

_But none of them ever changed the way he did._

"If I could turn back the clock to five years ago, I wouldn't have let myself fall so far," Dimitri continues. "Their voices still haunt me, but...what would they..."

He trails off, pulling his knees to his chest, and Felix pulls off his cape and drapes it over him.

"Here. It's getting cold and we don't need you getting sick on top of everything else."

"Thank you." Dimitri cautiously pulls the fabric around his shoulders, sighing. "Felix, I know what you said that day, words aren't enough after all I've done. But...I truly am sorry. I caused everyone so much pain, but especially you. If I'd been stronger, your father-"

"Don't." Felix cuts him off sharply, clenching a fist. "Father made his choice."

"I know, but-"

"He died like a knight." The words leave a sour taste in his mouth as he spits them out. _Just like Glenn._ He turns towards Dimitri, glaring at the bandaged wound. "Why did you have to go and do something so _stupid_ anyway?" Dimitri's head snaps up, his remaining eye widened for a split second.

"Felix?"

"You're as pathetic as they were, thinking you had to protect me from that bolt. My shield could have blocked it in time, and you still got hurt for my sake!" To his horror, his voice trembles on the last note. " _Idiot._ "

Dimitri's silent, looking away for a moment. His shoulders rise and fall with several deep breaths, and when he turns back, his gaze is more vulnerable than Felix has seen him look in years.

"I didn't want to see you hurt."

"Are you-"

"I'm well aware I overreacted," Dimitri interrupts. "But I've lost too many people over the years. My father, my stepmother, Glenn, my uncle, your father..." His mouth starts to form another name, but he shakes his head. Felix chooses to ignore it. "I saw the bolt coming for you, feared another death, and this time I decided to prevent it."

He wants to scoff, tell the boar he's being ridiculous, mock the very _idea_ that Felix Hugo Fraldarius could die from a single _lightning bolt._ But Dimitri shifts closer, taking his hand, and Felix's voice dies in his throat as their gazes lock.

 _I've lost too many people over the years._ The Tragedy of Duscur, watching them die, feeling powerless to save them. The guilt and nightmares that haunted him all that time, Felix treating him like a monster when those feelings took over in the heat of battle.

He shifts closer, his hand resting on Dimitri's uninjured shoulder.

"I'd never forgive myself if you'd died for me." Dimitri stiffens, relaxes, and drops his gaze.

"You and I have both lost enough in our lives. I always wondered why that didn't bring us closer together, but..." He sighs. "I was too hung up on my own guilt."

"No, I shouldn't have pushed you away like that." Felix sighs. "Look, we can't do the past nine years over any more than we can bring back the dead. But you promised everyone you would take back our homeland and be the king we need."

"I did."

"And...well, _I_ don't want to lose you." He traces his fingers over the bandage. "In spite of everything, I...the truth is, you..." He sighs. "Even over the past nine years I never stopped..."

He can't say it. Even alone in the woods with Dimitri at his most vulnerable, he can't say what he's known and tried to deny since they were eleven years old. An admission of guilt, of being wrong, his fear that the wild boar would stay that way until he foolishly lost his life just like Glenn had.

"Forget it. I-I don't even know why I ever-"

Dimitri grabs his wrist, pulls him close, and kisses him. No warning, no words, just desperate, hungry lips pressed against his own. For a split second Felix is outside his own body, watching himself kiss back until reality sets in and he's tangling his fingers in Dimitri's long, unkempt hair. Thought isn't a concept right now, only the racing of his pulse and the heat between them as he pours nine years' worth of fear and frustration and longing into this one kiss.

He's gasping for breath when they finally come apart, and when he's able to meet Dimitri's gaze again there's something contradictory yet recognizable. A fierce tenderness, a relieved anxiety.

"I'd apologize, but from the look on your face you've been wanting me to do that." And Felix can't help but _laugh_ as he shakes his head.

"Only for goddess knows how long," he sighs. " _Idiot._ "

"It takes one to know one." Dimitri smiles, draping Felix's cloak over them both. "The truth is, even when I lost track of everything for all those years, you were always just at the edge of my mind...maybe if I'd paid more attention, I'd have realized you were the person I was hurting the most."

Felix smiles, rolling his eyes.

"That's just about the dumbest thing I've ever heard. We _all_ need you. That's why my father sacrificed his life for yours." He groans. "I hate that I'm starting to understand him and Glenn. But the point is, I'm no more important than anyone else in our army."

"You are to me."

And with just four words, Felix is done in, and it's all he can do not to throw himself at Dimitri and kiss him senseless right then and there. If there's one thing his foolish actions and subsequent injury are good for, it's this moment.

He does slide his arm around Dimitri's waist, though, drawing him closer, letting him lean on his shoulder.

"Do we have to tell Sylvain and Ingrid about us when we get back?"

"Of course we do, Felix. Otherwise they're going to find out anyway and tell everyone else," Dimitri chuckles. "At least this way we can make them promise not to before we're ready." He smiles a little more. "So...there's an _us_ to tell about, now?"

Felix's answer is to bring their lips together again. They don't get back to the monastery until after dark.


End file.
